I read a good article on Yahoo! that I want to talk about here. It literally talks about the “Friendship Recession,” which you know I feel so strongly about.
The article by Becca Blond explores the growing statistical trend of social isolation among adults. It highlights that despite a desire for connection, over half of adults failed to make a new friend last year.
That’s wild! Let me say that again: over half of adults did not make a new friend last year.
Her piece gives anecdotal evidence (a woman dining alone on a cruise, which honestly I don’t mind because I love eating by myself AND going on cruises) to hard data regarding the physical and mental health risks of loneliness, which are now comparable to smoking or obesity.
The article really focuses on the concept of “slow friendship,” where she says that building community in adulthood requires the same consistency and intentionality as diet or exercise.
I think she’s right. And I think the exercise comparison is the best one. You can’t go to the gym once and expect results. You can’t show up to one event and expect to leave with a best friend. It takes repetition. I wrote a whole post about treating friendships like exercise because this idea stuck with me.
Key Take-Aways
- The Decline is Quantifiable: The friendship recession isn’t just a feeling. The number of Americans with no close friends has quadrupled since 1990.
- Loneliness is a Physical Threat: Social isolation is a public health crisis linked to high cortisol, poor sleep, heart disease, and premature death.
- Modern Life Creates Barriers: Unlike school, where proximity creates friends by default, modern adulthood (remote work, frequent moves, and the illusion of connection via social media) creates structural barriers to bonding.
- Intentionality over Accident: Adult friendships rarely just happen. They require deliberate, consistent effort (like joining clubs or volunteering) to move acquaintances into actual friendships.
- Quality Over Quantity: You don’t need a massive circle to be healthy. Deepening just one or two bonds is more beneficial for stress reduction than having dozens of surface-level connections.
Interesting Facts
I’m a sucker for some good research. Here are fun facts shared in the post:
The Washington Post calls it the secret to making friends: just be the one who reaches out first.
The New York Times also wrote about why it’s so hard for men to make close friends. The stats for men are even worse.
- Bumble Survey Data: More than 50% of adults surveyed (and specifically 52% in Europe) did not form a single new friendship in the last year.
- The “No Confidant” Statistic: In 1990, only 3% of adults reported having no close friends. Today, that number has risen to 12%.
- Mortality Risk: Lacking strong relationships increases the risk of premature death by more than 60%.
- The Smoking Equivalent: One meta-analysis cited in the article concludes that chronic loneliness has the same mortality impact as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
- The Social Media Paradox: A study found that excessive scrolling heightens feelings of loneliness. The lonelier people felt, the more they scrolled. A vicious cycle.
Favorite Quotes
I agree with a lot of what Becca says, like these notes:
“It’s not like college anymore… Back then, friends just happened. Now, it feels like everyone already has their group, and I’m on the outside looking in.”
YES!! I have been saying this forever. After college, it is just so hard for people to make new friends.
“Remote work has eliminated many of the casual interactions that once sparked connection. And while social media provides the illusion of closeness, it often makes adults feel more excluded.”
Yep. Remote work as the enemy of new connections. I’ve seen this play out with so many people I meet. They work from home. They order food from an app. They spend their free time on screens. And they wonder why they feel isolated.
“Much like slow travel or slow food, it’s a philosophy that values deliberate, meaningful investment in relationships instead of quick, surface-level interactions…. [Friendship] must be treated as a form of self-care, something worth prioritizing alongside fitness, sleep, and nutrition.”
What I’d Add
Becca’s article is solid. But I want to add something she doesn’t cover: the role of hosting.
Most advice about the friendship recession focuses on joining things. Join a club. Take a class. Volunteer. That’s all good. But I think there’s something even more powerful. Be the person who creates the gathering instead of waiting for one to appear.
When you host something, you skip a lot of the awkwardness. You’re not the new person walking into an established group. You’re the one who brought everyone together. That’s a totally different dynamic.
It doesn’t need to be fancy. A weeknight dinner for four people. A Saturday morning walk. A happy hour at your apartment. Start small. The point is creating a reason for people to be in the same room together.
I wrote about this in my book The 2-Hour Cocktail Party. But honestly, the format doesn’t matter. What matters is that someone steps up and says “come over.” Most people are waiting for that invitation. Be the one who sends it.
Conclusion
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Read the article for more, or browse all the articles I’m collecting here on the site. It’s a problem. But there are solutions. And they start with one simple action: reaching out to someone today.