I read an article from Ireland last week about men and loneliness. It made me sad. Then I got to the part about solutions and I felt a little better.
I want to share both parts with you.
The Hard Numbers
In Ireland, three out of five adults experience loneliness. The male suicide rate is 14.9 per 100,000. That’s four times higher than women. In 2021 alone, 449 people in Ireland died by suicide. 80% of them were men.
I don’t share these numbers to be a downer. I share them because they’re real. And because most men don’t talk about this stuff. We just carry it around.
The same pattern shows up everywhere. The friendship recession statistics tell the same story in the US, the UK, and now Ireland. Men are losing friends. And the consequences go beyond feeling lonely.
Lacking social connection increases your risk of premature death by more than 60%.
If you want to see the full picture of who’s actually lonely in America, the data might surprise you.
Why It’s Happening to Young Men Too
Dr. Seán O’Connell, a chartered psychologist in Ireland, says loneliness is rising fast among 18 to 24 year olds. School transitions, social anxiety, pandemic disruption. All of it is making it harder for young guys to build friendships.
And nobody teaches this stuff in school. There’s no class on how to be a good friend. How to keep a friendship going. How to reach out when you’re struggling.
O’Connell says it directly: “Masculinity can include vulnerability and care.” That’s a simple statement. But for a lot of guys it sounds like a radical idea.
I’ve seen this play out at my own events. Young men in their early 20s show up alone. They don’t know how to start a conversation. They’re on their phones half the time. It’s not that they don’t want to connect. They never learned how. The pandemic stole two of their most important social development years. And now they’re playing catch-up.
Men’s Sheds: A Model That Works
One of the best things happening in Ireland is Men’s Sheds. They’re community spaces where men gather to work on projects together. Woodworking. Gardening. Fixing things.
The genius of it is shoulder-to-shoulder connection. You don’t sit across from someone and talk about your feelings. You work next to each other. And the conversations happen naturally. That’s how a lot of men are wired. Men build friendships side-by-side, through shared activities.
Ben Dolan, who works with Irish Men’s Sheds, says these spaces help men dealing with retirement, grief, and relationship breakdowns. Men who don’t have the support structures that women often do.
The model works because it gives men permission to show up without having to explain why. You’re there to build a shelf. But the shelf is just the excuse. The real purpose is human connection. And it’s spreading. There are now Men’s Sheds locations in Australia, Canada, the UK, and the US.
What Ireland Gets Right
Ireland’s approach to male loneliness is ahead of most countries. They talk about it openly. They fund programs like Men’s Sheds. They have public health campaigns that specifically target men.
In the US, we’re behind on this. The Surgeon General’s advisory on loneliness was a good start. But we still don’t have the kind of community infrastructure that Ireland is building. Most of the solutions here are individual: join a group, host a party, text a friend. Those all work. But we also need bigger structural changes.
More third spaces. More community programs. More cultural permission for men to say “I’m lonely and I want to do something about it.”
What You Can Do
Here’s the part that gave me hope. The article had real, practical advice:
- Deepen the friendships you already have. Don’t just talk about sports or work. Try asking a real question. How are you actually doing?
- Reach out with small gestures. A casual text. Sharing a link. It signals that you’re thinking about someone without being awkward about it.
- Try shoulder-to-shoulder activities. Go to a movie. Play pool. Walk somewhere together. Shared activities take the pressure off talking.
- Branch out beyond your usual hangout. If you always meet at the pub, suggest a hike or a road trip. New settings open up new conversations.
- Be the friend you wish you had. Check in. Show up. Ask a follow-up question the next time you see them. The loneliness epidemic is real. Small actions help more than you think.
Both Things Are True
The stats are serious. Men are struggling. Some of them are dying.
And there are things you can do about it. Starting today. Starting with one text to one friend.
That’s not a solution to everything. But it’s a start.
If there’s one lesson from Ireland, it’s this: giving men a place to show up and a thing to do together works. Men’s Sheds isn’t therapy. It isn’t a support group. It’s a workshop where guys build stuff and talk while they work. And it saves lives.
We need more of that everywhere. And if it doesn’t exist in your town, maybe you’re the one who starts it. A weekly meetup. A project group. A regular dinner. Start with what you have.
If you want to read more about the friendship recession and what’s causing it, I’m collecting research and stories here on this site.
Source: Roe McDermott, The Irish Times (September 2024)